Spiritual growth means literally the making for you of a new mind which not only believes differently, but whose workings will bring altogether different and better results as regards health and fortune than the old mind and the old self which must be gradually rooted out and destroyed.
——Prentice Milford,”Your forces and how to use them”
My mom won't accept that I am poly even though everyone in my quad sat down with her together. We made her dinner at our house to explain that we're not "just roommates." The evening seemed to go well, but ever since then she just keeps making these weird comments about choosing one of them, or moving beyond all of them to find the "right one" before I "get too old to settle down properly." What will it take for her to see us for what we are?
Side note: I must admit that the first time I read this, I thought you said “squad,” and I thought it was a neat nickname for a poly family!
The answer, summarized in one word, is: Time. Time, especially when coupled with with loving transparency, is what most people need to come to an understanding of something new in their loved ones, especially when that thing is new to their idea of society and the world. You’ve started off on the right foot in my opinion. The way you came out demonstrated first hand the type of family your quad is.
Coming to terms with this can be extra difficult for people who have trouble adjusting their views of how the world works. Your mother presumably spent her whole life believing (due cultural pressures) that love is when two people devote themselves to one another, pledge loyalty, and never so much as glance in another person’s direction with romance, sex, or other thoughts of that genre in mind. For some people, that really is the definition of romantic love. For others, it’s not. To come to terms with your relationship format, your mother must first go on a personal journey which culminates in the realization that everything she knows about the human heart is only true under certain conditions. That’s a really scary thing to face.
"Sure," you say, "But as you said, I demonstrated first hand what my relationship really is!" That’s true. You did. When a person’s entire worldview is threatened, it’s amazing the sorts of mental tricks they can play on themselves to rationalize what they’ve witnessed. The only way to surmount that is to keep showing her. Maintain transparency with your mother, and eventually, she may just understand.
Think about it.